Instead of Candy and Balloons - A short Valentine's Day Gift Guide

I've never really been one to celebrate Valentine's Day. My husband and I are kind of weird, in that we don't really do holidays, and we barely do birthdays. Don't get me wrong - I'm totally obsessed with him and I'd like to think that the feeling is mutual, but holidays just aren't our thing. BUT - I'm a small business owner who makes jewelry and I also handle social media for businesses who definitely DO do Valentine's Day. So I'm not completely oblivious to the holidays.
Since this seems to be a balloon heavy time of year, I thought I'd throw my two cents in for some gifts that aren't balloons (don't get me wrong - I love a balloon installation as much as the next guy. Unfortunately, I also find balloons on the beach and during litter clean-ups ALL OF THE TIME, so I kind of don't love them as much as I wish I could)
Plants are great gifts because if you love them properly, they'll stay with you forever. As a novice plant lady and a former brown thumb, I'd recommend low maintenance plants for gift giving. Like, don't give the person you love a fern. Or a lemon tree. Your novice plant person is sure to kill both of them (or is it just me?). Succulents are great gifts because they're super low maintenance, as are philodendrons and spider plants. Spider plants and philodendrons will let you know when they need water by starting to wilt, whereas a succulent will let you forget about it for something like forever and when you finally remember it, it's all," It's totally fine! Look! I made you a flower! And a baby!"
A flower CSA
I didn't even know this was a thing until a friend of mine who has a flower farm posted something about it. You guys. It's a seasonal subscription to local, organically farmed, flower bouquets. I mean... I would kind of freak out if someone gave me this. Flowers are a great gift because they're FLOWERS. Flowers are awesome. They're pretty, they're colorful, they smell awesome, and a flower CSA is pretty much the most thoughtful way to give flowers that I can think of. Also, flowers can be put in a compost bin when they're done doing their job. Everybody wins with flowers.
I'm a HUGE fan of experiences and adventure as a gift. I know locally we have museums, a planetarium, wildlife parks, a nature refuge, a zoo, great restaurants and more. Where I'm currently staying, there's even more museums, art galleries, whale watching tours, aquariums and, for real, the opportunity for long walks on the beach. As a visitor here in sunny California, I'm trying to cram ALL of the experiences in. I overheard someone saying that they don't even think of taking advantage of some of the things that I've done while here because, when you live somewhere, you tend to take what the area offers for granted. I know I'm guilty of doing that in my own town. So this Valentine's Day, why not take advantage of what your own town has to offer, that you've always meant to experience, but just never get around to?
Local Art and Gifts
There's a saying that I always see/hear in artist communities - something along the lines of "The dead artists don't need your money, buy from the living ones." Which is true. Living artists can definitely use the money. I know a LOT of artists and most of them keep another job in addition to art, because it can be quite a battle to make a living as an artist. So consider some local art as a gift! If you don't know where to start, small boutique stores and galleries often carry local art works/products or you can put a shout out on facebook to request some local art/maker connections. Many local artists will create commissioned work , so that the art/gift that you buy is even more personalized.
Just Skip It
It's not the most popular Valentine's Day suggestion, but there's no law that says you have to do Valentine's Day. I've been a part of a couple forever and every year we're just kind of like..."meh" when it comes to Valentine's Day. I don't think it means we love each other less. I think it just means we can do a bunch of that special Valentin'es Day stuff any day of the year. With anyone! And we should. Every day is Valentine's Day!

How We're Reducing Waste in Our Home

It feels weird for me to be posting a "tips" blog when I'm usually posting things like "check out the shiny new mess I have in my brain this time!"
But the thing is, I don't always have a mess in my brain. Sometimes...actually, pretty often brain functions very well and I have a really healthy grasp on life. It's just that writing tends to be a form of therapy for me and I don't need as much therapy when my brain is performing well. Which is why most of my posts are about brain disasters and the like.
Anyway, I've been feeling pretty healthy lately but I also miss writing, so let's talk about garbage! Or more specifically, reducing our garbage. There are a few things that we changed up at home that have been really helpful for us in reducing our overall waste. It's an imperfect process but slowly but surely we're getting there.
Grocery bags
Re-usable grocery bags are a pretty easy way to reduce your reliance on some plastics. I've tried a bunch of them and my favorites are made by a company called Baggu. They're super strong, they hold a ton of stuff, they're easy to clean, they fold up super small so you can always keep a couple on you, and finally, I'm totally in to their design choices. I also use a Baggu bag for my beach clean-ups and again, they're super durable and just hold a ton of stuff. If you don't want to invest in a sturdy reusable bag, there are some great tutorials online on how to make your own reusable bags from old t-shirts. For me, most of the reusable bags tend to take up too much space, so I like the idea of something more compact. Also, keep in mind if you forget your bags, you can always request paper at the checkout.
Produce bags
I'm definitely the annoying person who, in my effort not to use plastic bags, just loosely piled all of my produce on the conveyor belt at the grocery store. I've had more cashiers roll their eyes at me than I can count. Sooooo, in an effort not to be annoying in the check-out lane, I bought some cotton mesh bags for my produce shopping. Like grocery bags, you can make these out of old t-shirts if you want to DIY it. I can barely sew so I went ahead and invested in some pre-made mesh bags. The nice thing about these is they came in a set of 12 so I took a couple of them and use them as laundry bags for delicate items. If you've gotten the plastic produce bags at the grocery store, you can also re-use those over and over. Or, just keep your produce loose and be ready for the eye rolling.
Produce Box
When we get home from grocery shopping, we transfer our fruits and veggies to produce boxes. They keep our food fresh a lot longer, which reduces waste, which helps us save money. I keep two of these around - one for green leafy vegetables and one for grapes and berries.
Soap Berries
Ok. So this is a weird one and my husband still isn't totally on board. But last March (10 months ago), I paid less than $20 for a bag of soap berries. Or soap nuts. I don't even really remember what they're called. I wasn't super hopeful because we have dogs and they're messy and we're messy and I'm also allergic to everything and my skin is hyper sensitive to detergents, but we figured it was worth a try. Well, I figured. James just kind of goes along with it. Anyway, we got this big bag of soap berries. You take about 7 of them, put them in a little muslin bag, throw them in the washer while the water is running and wash your clothes. You can use that same bag for 7 loads of laundry. And omg, they work! Our clothes got clean, even the towels that we use to clean up a dog mess, like - it all got clean. There aren't any perfumes in the berries so your clothes don't smell like anything, really. They're just clean and odor free. So I've been using these for nearly a year, I spent less than $20 on them, and I totally love them. It will change your laundry routine a little bit, but once you get used to them, it's pretty easy. Plus, I'm probably saving about a hundred bucks a year in laundry detergent costs. Everybody wins!
Toilet Paper
I'm not going to get into too much detail here, but basically, we all need toilet paper and it usually comes wrapped in plastic. About a year ago, we started ordering toilet paper in bulk from Seventh Generation. I like it because it's made from recycled fibers, it comes wrapped in paper, and we order about 60 rolls at a time, which saves us from last minute trips to the grocery store and ending up with more plastic. If you're really into super soft and multi-ply toilet paper, you may not love this stuff. I'm more concerned about our environmental footprint, so this is great for us. The up front cost is a little more than what we would normally pay, but when I factor in all of the last minute trips to a corner pharmacy store where toilet paper is kind of super expensive, I think it ends up working out in our favor.
We try to make sure that given the choice between plastic packaging and glass packaging, that we choose glass (or paper when it's available). We save all of our glass jars. I use them for paint water, paintbrush storage, bead storage, and for food storage. We also have some set aside for a local flower farmer in town who re-uses glass jars for her bouquets.
We have two large black plastic bins that we keep on our porch during spring, summer and fall. We move them into our basement during the winter months. They're full of dirt, garbage and worms. Vermi-composting (or worm farming) is pretty easy once you get into a routine. We drilled lots of holes around the bottom and top sides, and on the bottom and in the lid of two plastic black totes (these aren't considered a single use plastic - we've had them for years and expect to have them for many more). We throw scrap paper, junk mail, toilet paper rolls, coffee and filters, egg shells and produce waste in them, and the worms do their work. This year we started freezing our compost before putting it in the bin, which causes it to break down faster. This is helpful with fruits, since they'll usually attract fruit flies to your compost. We don't seem to have that problem as long as we pop the compost in the freezer first.
PS - there are some affiliate links in this post that I may receive some compensation for if you end up purchasing. All of the links are for products that I've used, currently use and totally love. If I linked to it, it's because I stand behind it and we have it in our home. Let me know if you have any questions or tips and tricks on how we can do even better!

I only come around when I'm sad.

I've had ...a year.

I've had incredible highs and devastating lows. It has been a rollercoaster that I'm so very tired of riding.

I haven't written here in a while because things were good. I was healthy, both physically and emotionally.

But maybe I wasn't.

In April, I went on a brief vacation and returned only to say goodbye to my beautiful Reuben.

Shortly after, James went on the trip of a lifetime to Malaysia, only to return early because our Jack was dying. He was diagnosed with megaesophagus and for the next two months, our lives revolved around battling this rare and devastating illness. Sadly, we lost that fight.

The next day I went on an amazing trip to Isla Mujeres, where I swam with whale sharks and ended up with a nasty bout of food poisoning (I can tell you exactly what did it. Ceviche shouldn't taste like pesto).

Just recently I went to Northern California to be a part of a dear friend's wedding. It was such a beautiful time, except I got a little bit sick.

And by a little bit sick, I mean I either caught or reactivated a mystery virus which paralyzed half of my face and landed me in the hospital for three days.

I'm now on day 12 of Bells Palsy - partial facial paralysis.

I'm scared. I wake up every day, hopeful that it got better while I slept. I spend the rest of the day trying to keep my stress down, trying to find hope, trying to relax, trying not to crumple into a sobbing mess in my bed.

I know that I could be better in 3 weeks. I also know that I might never get better.

I cannot smile. It's physically impossible.

It's hard to eat. It's hard to drink. It's hard to speak.

I'm tired and I don't know why. Is it the mystery virus? Is it depression?

Who knows.

My face hurts and that's supposed to be good. Sometimes it crawls and itches and that's uncomfortable but that's also supposed to be good. If it doesn't crawl and itch, I'm terrified. Crawling and itching means my nerves are doing...something. Nothing means...nothing. Continued paralysis.

I can't close my right eye. Which means I can't just lay down for a nap or even risk falling asleep watching tv. I have to tape it shut to sleep. Or nap. Or rest. Sometimes I tape it shut because it just bothers me. I can't risk being out in the wind because my eye can't protect itself. I can't squint in bright sun. I have to manually blink my eye through the day with my fingers, and use synthetic tears. The blinking and the tears temporarily compromise my vision, which makes it hard to do all of the things I love.

(This was a few days in. It got worse.)

I've gone through the gamut of emotions, some realistic and some not so much. Did I do this to myself? Because I celebrated with too many margaritas? Is it because I'm unhealthy? Because I was too happy? Took on too much? Because I quit running? Anxious? Too stressed out? Why do bad things keep happening when we travel? Are we being punished? Are we bad people? Is God trying to teach me another lesson? Will God ever tire of teaching me lessons? I'm so very tired of life's lessons. How do I rest? Am I lazy for resting? My poor husband. He married this broken thing. Why am I so broken? What else is wrong? What's next? How can I be better so this stops happening? Am I terrible?

And on and on and on...

My therapist says that I'm very hard on myself.

I'm aware. I don't know how to stop. I was wired at a very young age to believe all bad things were my fault, even when it's ever so obvious that some things simply aren't my fault.  Apparently that's just a battle I need to keep fighting.

I am being proactive. I'm eating well. I've backed off from all big projects for the moment. I'm painting for therapy. I'm sleeping. I'm practicing relaxation and stress management. I'm seeing my therapist. Acupuncturist. Doctors. I'm doing all of the things.

But I'm scared. And I'm sad. And while I believe that I can do hard things, I would be lying if I said I relished these battles. I don't. I'm tired. Some days I feel like all I do is fight. One thing after another after another. But other days, I feel so lucky for every great and beautiful thing that has come my way. There are a lot of those. Battles and beauty, I guess. And we keep moving forward. One day at a time.

The same...but different.

I've kept an online blog as long as I can remember. It started as a bit of a joke, then it became about crafts and DIY and most recently, it was therapy. I chronicled a 3 year battle with depression, anxiety, defamation of character and just general unhappiness. I worked through the estrangement of both of my parents, and then their somewhat recent deaths. I've not felt the urge to write lately, because my head and my heart are in a healthy place, and my art and my life have me at peace. But I feel like the trauma and journey to recovery that I went through and the subsequent victory should not be packed away. So I'm keeping it here, so that it can hopefully help someone else someday.

In the meantime, you can find my new website and all things Hey Lola, set up in proper business fashion...or as close to it as I can manage, at

It's the same...just different.

with love,


Defined by Joy


Apparently I have not blogged since August. That's not a bad thing...but it's a weird thing.

My mom died last year and that was...a strange struggle. And then it wasn't. I also fought with a lot of depression and anxiety...and then I didn't.

It seems like, for a long time, my life has been defined by struggle and sadness and exhaustion from the constant battle to just be happy. Like - all of the way happy.

And through a twisting series of events over the course of the past few years, and with a ton of loving support from friends and family...
...I have arrived.

And now life is defined by joy.

I still walk with the homeless community. I have a new passion to reduce plastic use, because I have seen firsthand the devastation it causes to marine life. I consider myself a compassionate and empathetic person and try to care for humanity in a way that still keeps me healthy. Because of those things, my heart regularly breaks. But at the same time, my heart is always overwhelmed with how much I love this planet and how much I love people.

So I am still defined by joy.

I haven't quite figured out how to write about that. But I will. Maybe soon...maybe someday.  In the meantime, I'm sharing a lot of my art and joy on my instagram and facebook, and I really do have an active jewelry shop. Cross my heart.  So if you want to keep up with Hey Lola type things, I'll provide some links at the end of this post.

And if you haven't reached your own "defined by joy" stage yet, and you're still in the struggle...I'm still with you. You can still reach out and we can still talk about and do hard things. Joy is the goal for all of us, right? And I would never abandon my team. We'll all get here, one at a time, holding each other up as we go. I know we will. I feel it every day.