How to Use Fake Eyelashes to Mask Your Lack of Sleep

   I used to wear fake eyelashes all of the time, and then, for some really stupid reason, I stopped. Not only did I stop wearing fake eyelashes, I pretty much stopped wearing make-up, doing my hair, or wearing anything that didn't vaguely resemble pajamas. I was tired all of the time, and not only did I not try to hide it, I just kind of embraced this ragged, tired, beat down look.

And then I got the flu and I ended up watching Katy Perry's concert documentary thingamajig 3 times in a row and I realized that I really missed being a girl. I like dressing up. I like make-up and cute hair and cute clothes and fake eyelashes and glitter and dressing like I'm going to a party every single day.

So I came back around. As it happens, when I dress up everyday, my whole day seems to be a little brighter.

Anyway - eyelashes. Now that I wear make-up again, everyone keeps complimenting me on my eyes, and telling me how well rested I look. I'm actually still not getting that much sleep and everyone should know - I'm totally faking it, and you can, too. Applying eyelashes is easy...sort of....for the most part.

Whatever. I spend half of my life accidentally glueing myself to myself. If I can wear fake eyelashes, so can you.

First - you're going to need some eyelashes. These are "Andrea" brand, #53. 53's are probably the best starter lashes, because they're the most natural looking, and you usually don't even have to trim them. (Mine are a little beat up - I re-use them until they fall apart) Make sure you buy this kind of glue. There's a different kind of glue for applying semi-permanent eyelashes. That's not what we're doing here. Don't buy that glue. Buy the glue in this picture. If you ever want to attach rhinestones to your face for any reason at all, you can also use this glue. It's basically the premier glue for glueing stuff to your face.

If the length of the lashes is longer than the shape of your eye, you'll need to trim them. Not the lashes - the strip that the lashes are on. Trim the edge that has the longest lashes to give you the most natural look - the scissors are closest to the edge you would want to trim.

Get your face ready for some lashes. Put your moisturizer on, Put your concealer on, and your powder and your blush and your eyebrows and all of that stuff. And then stand on the toilet, look scared and take a selfie.

Put some eyeliner under the lash line of your top eyelid, but don't line the inside of your eye.

Like - you have to lift your whole eyeball up to get the liner just on your lash line. If you line the whole inside of your eye with eyeliner, you're going to end up with black eye boogers later on, and people won't tell you because they'll think they're being polite, and you'll just look gross. ONLY LINE THE LASH LINE.

When you're done with the inside of your eye, line the top, as close to your lashes as possible. Throw a little mascara on your lashes. Some people will tell you not to put any make-up on your eyelid before you apply lashes. You don't have to listen to them. They're wrong. 

Line the lashes with glue. You don't need that much - if you overdue it, you'll glue yourself to yourself, and I can tell you from experience, that that sucks.

Blow on the glue until it's tacky - about 60 seconds.

Place the lash as close to your lash line as possible, without touching your lashes. Pat it down with your finger to secure it to your skin.

Wait a couple of minutes. I always buy the white glue, because it dries clear. When you can't see the glue anymore, your lashes are dry and you can finish your make-up.

Stand on the toilet and take a weird selfie.

Now look over there, like maybe a bird just flew by or something. When you're done with that, quit playing around and finish your make-up. Once your eyelashes are attached, you can do your make-up the same way you always do.

My make-up is finished, but it turns out this angle is not as flattering as I had hoped.

This is a better angle and my make-up is finished. My face still needs one more thing, though. 

  My glasses. 
 I only slept for 20 minutes this month, but no one can tell. Thanks, fake eyelashes!

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